Baby Fever, and I am feeling Guilty...

Hello again, I have not seen you (well technically wrote to you) in a while. Well I have been feeling just a bit guilty lately and here's why.. Every time I look at facebook *addiction #1 but we will save that for later* Someone I know is either pregnant, or has just had a baby! I love babies, and I am so happy for each and every one of the families blessed with a new addition.  And yes when I stalk look at all of their gorgeous pictures I get a flip in my stomach, and a burning desire to have a baby myself as soon as possible.  Then reality sets in.. and I go through my 1-2-3..4-5.. what ifs. { Fair warning this is me speaking.  Are the following rationale thoughts, probably not.. do you think this way, probably but you wont admit it..just keeping it real}
#1- Could I love another baby as much as I love Lilly?
Ok unless you have been on the moon { which your facebook might have reached you there} you might have noticed Andrew and I are OVER the MOON {hehe} in love with Lilly.  We are constantly playing, kissing, and squeezing (rather tightly *another thing I am working on*) her all the time.  I sit in bed at night and fight the desire to bring her in the bed with us and snuggle all night. My mother has always reassured me that she loved me and my brother the same {yeah yeah} but I just don't know how I could love another as much as I love Lilly.
#2- Lilly is so good, what if they next one is a terror?!
{If you are a 2nd child this no ways reflects on you unless you really were a terror or difficult} No Mom will openly call their child a "terror" but I am sure I am not the only one who has heard, "Well my first one was a PERFECT baby, but the 2nd was a handful" if you haven't heard that you have heard something like it. Or maybe the 2nd child has health issues, or allergies, or fusses more.  Let me recap Lilly's life for you. * Perfect sleeper- First day home from the hospital up through now, has slept *at least* 10 hours a night... *Perfect Eater-Eats everything, veggies, meats, milk, cereal. Transitioned perfectly from bottle to "real food" at 9 months! *Teething- what teething?! Never ran a fever, got sick, or fussed (more than usual) got rid of passy at 10 months *Lilly gets along with other children, cleans up her messes, says "Please, thank you, sorry, your welcome" all at the appropriate times, and is so smart! With such a perfect baby will my next one be more than we can handle?!
#3- Will I go through another miscarriage? This is pretty self explanatory, but it is a huge fear of mine.  I still have nightmares about my first loss, and can not shake that feeling that maybe Lilly was a blessing from God, and I should be content with that.
Ok here comes the irrational ones... #4- Will I gain a lot of weight and not be able to lose it back, #5- Will I be exhausted running after 2 kids? #6- What if it is a boy, I know nothing about boys?!
Although those last ones probably seem really weird/funny... they are seriously things I think about.. I have lost over 80 pounds since having Lilly, and I am not ready to gain weight back.. After watching Lilly's 2 cousins Lucy and Kate-Linn for a week {PS they are really amazing girls} I was exhausted, and felt in a daze for a week after... and of course the Merritt's all want a little guy running around after all the girls, but "I don't know nothing about birthing no boys" {in my best Prissy voice} I know that God has a plan, and he will decide what my future holds, and until I get over all most of my fears, we will not consider children yet.  For now we are going to enjoy every minute with Lilly, and enjoy our family of 6 {dogs included} and see what God has planned for us in the future.