Pulling out your Potential

    Over the past several weeks at Elevation we have been in the sermon series The Prodigy in Me.  This week Pastor Furtick was in NYC preaching so he asked his wife to speak, Holly Furtick.  What an amazing message that was given, so I would like to take this opportunity to tell you (my loyal readers ha ha) what I plan on doing with this message.
  So many times we hear something at church, or even during a workshop, or at school, and we are so pumped up and on fire...for the next hour...then we fizzle out. I am guilty of this! I can honestly say that I always have good intentions to follow through or implement changes into my life, but things happen and it falls through... *EXAMPLE* This past week I have been listening to the series F Bomb from Elevation every morning as I get ready for work.  It is all about forgiveness. I was praying, and seeking God, forgiving others for past things, praying for forgiveness on my account..I was ON FIRE...then I was put into a situation where forgiveness was needed and "all up in my face".   What was my first reaction? I started thinking negative thoughts, thinking the worst, and basically not giving the forgiveness I had been trying to implement all week.  Sometimes it just happens.
   This week Holly told us about Peter, a hot head disciple, who spoke before thinking about the words he was going to say. I mean then guy chopped off someones ear (John 18:10), was called Satan by Jesus (Mark 8:33), and denied Jesus 3 times (Mark 14:66-76).  But he was also the one who walked on water with Jesus because of his boldness (Matthew 14:28-33), preached at Pentecost because of this confidence (Acts 2:14-28), and had the opportunity to sit with Jesus, look him in the eye, and tell him 3 times he loved him and on that 3rd time he was forgiven for his past.  Where am I going with this? Jesus can use us no matter how many times we mess up.  He uses our strengths to bring out some amazing things, he gives us the strength to overcome our weaknesses, and he can turn our potential into something amazing!
   *Real life Application*
What am I going to do with this now?  Here's where we get into my thoughts on the issue.  Jesus was able to use Peter's confidence and outspokenness for some great things.  He didn't squelch the gifts when Peter blurted out, or said rash things.  Instead he encouraged him to use it, in a positive way.  Holly gave several examples about her sons and their behaviors, and how it could be used later on in life.  That got me thinking about some people in my own life:

     * Lilly- Lilly is very confident.  When she gets ready in the morning first thing she does is look at me with hands on hips, head tilted, and says, "Look Mommy, I'm cute".  Now some people would say I am letting her be cocky, or conceited. I look at it as confidence.  I know from my own personal experience in school, and what I see every day as a teacher, that in a few short years Lilly will be confronted with people trying to break that self confidence at every turn. I know what lays ahead, I know the hurt and pain when other children tell you, you are fat, or ugly.  I wish I could put her away in a box and shield her from this, but I can't.  What I can do is encourage her and let her know how beautiful she is not only to myself and Andrew but to God. 

     * My Students- This year my class is very VERY diverse.  I have a group of 20 amazing kids, with 20 different backgrounds, family issues, health issues, social issues, emotional issues...well you get my point.  Some of my students have no, to little family support.  I have been told I work "well" with these types of students, and I have always taken that as, "Oh great, I get all of the tough kids again".  This year I am taking a different approach.  After hearing Holly preach, I am going to take a close hard look at each of my students and see their potential.  For instance, Student N often lashes out at others, he does not want to do his work, but wants attention which a lot of the time is the reason he does lash out.  You are probably thinking (just as I did) what do you do with that?  Well why not use this "neediness" as a good thing? Student N wants attention, so why not make him a "helper" in the classroom.  His neediness, and attention seeking attitude make him a great helper.  When I praise him for the good things he does do, he is the center of attention and he lights up.  I am using this weakness, and turning it into a strength for him.  Or student NA who can not stay in their seat throughout the day, and often talks to other students.  I will use his communication to help others in the class.  He will be able to walk around and make sure everyone is on task, and see who needs help and report back to me.  He also is the student who communicates to other teachers when I can not.  I am using his weakness to build it into a strength. 

  What issues do you struggle with? God can still use you.  Focus on the positive and turn your weaknesses into strengths. Look at those around you, look at those "flaws" in that person and see where they can be used into strengths.  God can use anyone no matter their past, he wants to use you too!

*Not a happy Day for Everyone*



Our First Baby- Ian Vernon Merritt



   All day today I have been in a terrible mood.  Starting last night I felt very sick, tired, and basically run down.  I almost fell asleep during dinner, I  cried at a drop of a hat, and all I wanted to do was climb in bed.  This morning I woke up to a bunch of the same. I had no idea why I was feeling this way when so many exciting things are happening in my life right now.  I went to Elevation tonight, ready to hear the word of God and boy did I.  Pastor Steven Started out by saying that although this is Mother's Day, it is not necessarily a happy day for all... that's all it took, the tears started falling uncontrollably.  I was thankful the music was playing because I was sobbing, and I had no idea why, that's when it hit me...

    On May 7, 2008 me and my husband, not quite one years into our marriage went to a OBGYN check up to see how our little one was doing.  This was our first child and we were about 16 weeks into the pregnancy. We already had been picking up some gender neutral clothes, but I had a feeling it was going to be a boy.  We were hoping the planned ultra sound would show a boy, since my sister in law had just found out what they were having.  We were up in the Mountains where we lived at the time, so family was on pins and needles waiting to hear how everything went.  During the ultra sound we saw our baby clearly for the first time.  You could see every finger, toe, and the ultra sound tech even said look the baby just moved.  Andrew and I were ecstatic, we could barely believe it.  The nurse broke in to our happiness with a quick, "I'll be right back".  I remember her leaving and the next instant the Dr. coming in.  She took a quick look at the monitor and said, "I'm sorry your fetus is dead, there is no heartbeat." "I'll give you a minute, come to my office when you are ready".  Then she left... just left... the ultra sound wand was still inside, the baby clearly visible on the screen.  I remember looking at Andrew's face, and seeing the tears rolling down... none of this was real, was it? When we made it to the office we were told we had options but the only reliable one was for me to go through surgery to remove the "fetus" as she put it, because apparently my body was still acting like it was supporting life. 



Memory Box my Mother in Law
gave me on Mother's Day



Filled with cards, pictures, and
 prayers from family



           The next two days were a blur, I remember laying in bed and talking to a baby I knew physically was still in my stomach, but was with the Lord.  I remember my Mom and Andrew crying with me, and my sweet brother trying to come up with the words to say. On Friday, May 9th I went to the hospital to have surgery.  I remember them putting on the armband and it saying "abortion" I could not control my sobs, this was not a choice, I had no say in this.  I remember a compassionate nurse, an Angel that day taking a marker and writing "miscarriage"  in large letters over it.  She hugged me and said "It will get better, I lost my first and have been blessed with 3 since, the Lord is with you".  The rest is just a fuzzy haze.  I remember waking up at some point in the operating room and crying for my baby.  I remember Andrew driving me home and my parents following. I remember Sunday coming and Andrew's parents coming to see me on Mother's Day..but it was not a day for celebrating for me, I was no longer a mother.  



Courage Willow Tree Angel my Mom gave me
when I came out of surgery.
For all of the Mother's who have gone
through this before.



           Things happen in strange ways.  3 months later I was pregnant with Lilly, and now almost 2 years later I am sharing my 2nd mother's day with my beautiful daughter Lilly.  But I still remember my first little one.  I remember the day after my surgery I called my Great Aunt Mary to see how she was doing.  My Uncle Vernon had been dealing with severe cancer, and hospice had been called in.  I called to let her know that we had named the little one I lost, Ian Vernon after Uncle Vernon.  I remember her crying and telling me, "Lindsay, your Uncle Vernon woke up a little earlier and looked at me and said I just saw Lindsay's baby." My Aunt Mary told me she told Uncle Vernon, remember, Lindsay's baby died and he said, "I know Ina was rocking him in her lap, I saw him".  My Aunt Ina had passed away when I was a Senior in High School, and was very special to me. My Uncle Vernon passed away shortly after that, and I believe he was seeing Heaven, and my little baby was already being taken care of until I can see him again.



         I am very blessed to spend my mother's day with Lilly, but still I think the Lord was reminding me that my other Little One is being taken care of by his Heavenly father, and that gives me peace.

 *I am sorry for the sad words, but it was such a release to type this and cry, and let out every emotion I was feeling.  Thank you for letting me share my story.

                                                                                 



Being a Fabulous Wife

   Not unlike so many other "new" wives, I have found out that marriage is NOT what I expected.  Ok I blame it on my late night "Nick at Night" addition back in high school and college.  All of the "I love Lucy" episodes, and The "Brady Bunch",  plus all of the old black and white TCM movies I love to watch .. it was what a true marriage should be like.. right? WRONG.. I consider myself a unrealistic, constantly optimistic womann who always looks to the bright side of things.  Well I married an openly realistic, "glass half full" kind of guy, and he will tell you that straight up. How do we make it work? We don't always, and that is where i am going with this.  If you are reading this blog expected to hear what most wives will tell you "We are so perfect together", "we never argue", "he is my best friend and cheerleader"...well you are at the wrong blog...

    Today @ Elevation Church we started a series "Mr. and Mrs. Better Half" now I have been at several typical marriage services, where you talk about Husbands honor your wives, wives submit to your husbands, children obey your parents. This was different! The Lord really laid some heavy stuff on my heart today and I am eager to share.  Why is my marriage not perfect? Because if no one is perfect, than how can I expect the union between two "un"perfect people to magically transform into something perfect? I can't, and that is where problem number one comes into play

#1- You can't look at marriage as some magical "fairy tale" kind of thing. You have to see it for what it is, a union between two people who love and commit to one another, no matter how "un"perfect they each may be.

    In our house we are obviously not multi-millionaires, and yes we are crunched when the first of the month comes around with mortgage, car payments, house bills, and now my latest hospital bills.  It seems like Andrew is a little stressed when this time of the month comes around.  Well Friday I came in with bags in hand from my shopping adventure with Lilly. I started pulling out what I had gotten, and bragging about the unbelievable sales there were at the mall.  I could see Andrew's face beginning to get red.. then the dreaded words came "How much money did you spend?!" WHAT?! Did he not just hear about the sales, did  he not just see that I went down 3 dress sizes, does he not understand the importance of having a romper this summer (see previous blog).. here it comes my next point

#2- Stop being selfish in your marriage.  Now this is directly copied from Pastor Furtick's message today.  I was being selfish in the marriage. I knew that this was the paycheck before the bills all came out, I knew that Andrew is the "keeper of finances" in our family. I knew it is his responsibility to pay the bills and balance the budget, and here I was getting upset that he did not say "What a fabulous romper" (like he would say that to begin with but you get the point).  Starting a marriage means dying to yourself.  Your marriage will NEVER work without you giving up some of your selfish things for the betterment of the union.  Christ took on every piece of junk we had on the cross for us, can't we take a little bit of self away for the person we love and are committed too?

  Now I'm sure you and your boyfriend/husband/ etc never argue, yell, cry, or slam doors.  of course not, that is the rednecks down the street (no offense).  Well in the Merritt house we have been known to yell, cry, and slam some doors.  As I said before my husband is very practical, where I am hopefully optimistic and this gets us into a lot of trouble sometimes. Andrew will say something like "You know you can't do that so why are you even talking about it" which then typically brings out a response in me like "Well it is my paycheck so I can" ding ding ding, the battle is on.. Not only am I not respecting the previous point but I am stepping right into my last point...
#3- You should speak to your spouse in a way that brings out their good, not their evil. 

   Again today's sermon really got to me because i am TERRIBLE at this point.  When my husband "bucks up" to me, I go right back at him. What happens next? WWIII at the Merritt house.  Today I learned that I should say words that lift up my husband, I should speak directly to his potential, not to the "punk" side of him that everyone has.  A great example that Pastor Steven gave today was 1 Samuel 25.  It is the story of Abigail, a women who had an evil husband, but due to her level head, and uplifting words she resolved many conflicts her husband brought upon himself and her.  She spoke to David (who was on the war path to killing her husband because of her husbands stupidity), like the king she knew he was, not the angry "hothead" he was at the moment.  This is what I need to do.  When Andrew is upset I need to say words that bring out the amazing man he is, not the angry confrontational man I typically bring out with my hard headiness.

 * Let me say although my marriage is not perfect, I love Andrew with all of my heart. He is an amazing father to Lilly, a provider for our family, and is a protector and up lifter of our family. Those are the amazing qualities that led me to this marriage that we have now, and will keep me here for the rest of my life.  We are constantly working on getting as close to a Godly marriage as we can, but of course things do come up. I encourage you all to look good and hard at your relationships, married or not, and see what God is showing you.  Are you being selfless? Are you being Unrealistic with your expectations? Are you uplifting, and bring out the best in your partner? Are you speaking words that bring out the King or Queen your spouse has the potential to being? Take this week to work on it, and comment and let me know how it is going, or somethings you would like to suggest!