Fabulously Fun Mom: ..then there was silence

Fabulously Fun Mom: ..then there was silence: Well back to the Dr. I went yesterday..{check up on my lab results} and when I got there Patty, my nurse let me know we were going to liste...

..then there was silence

Well back to the Dr. I went yesterday..{check up on my lab results} and when I got there Patty, my nurse let me know we were going to listen to the heartbeat on the doppler. "At 11 weeks we should be able to hear it" she said.  As I laid there, the cold gel rubbing on my belly, listening as closely as I could...{silence}...{nothing}...{my heart breaking}.. Patty assured me that it still might be early and we would check again after Dr. Harston went and did the procedure I had come for. 

  I couldn't relax..fear gripped me...I went back..April 2008..

               {Laying on the table, the first day I was not sick in a long time, and I would get to hear my babies heartbeat.. my first child... as the nurse searched...nothing.. silence.. "It's ok!" she said enthusiastically, "We sometimes can't hear this early, but I know everything is fine"...but it wasn't 3 weeks later I was starring at the lifeless body of my baby on a monitor... no heartbeat}

    After the procedure was over Patty quickly told Dr. Harston she was getting the "old ultrasound" machine from the closet..."the one with the crack".  She wheeled it in, plugged it up (crack and all) and proceeded to get prepared to do an ultrasound.. Andrew was not there, and I wasn't sure I could handle what was about to happen.  Tears filled my eyes as I started to see the outline of the baby on the screen and then....

         {flicker, flicker, flicker, flicker, flicker, flicker, flicker...a heartbeat}

A beautiful, strong, heartbeat.

My baby was ok!

 I could not hold it in...tears burned down my checks...it was ok.... Patty even jiggled my stomach a little..to get the baby moving... (looked a lot like break dancing).. I then held my fresh new picture..

  It's funny how God answers prayer..I laid there praying during the procedure for God to intercede and give me strength. I prayed for wisdom and guidance on how to tell Andrew.. but God had bigger plans.  I know whatever the outcome, God would have given me everything I needed...instead he gave me a "what seemed broken", cracked ultrasound machine, an AMAZING compassionate nurse who felt my pain, and went above and beyond to ease my fears, and a blessing inside growing stronger each day!

OK a little comparison...

On June 5th we go for another ultra sound, and were told "interesting things will be going on in this one, so you both better come"... AKA we could possible find out if we are having another little girl, or the first grandson on either side..  This got me thinking... what are the differences between pregnancies, and does the theory that 2 totally different pregnancies mean different genders...

Lilly Drew

* Sick only in the mornings until about lunch time

*Craved sweets: chocolate, ice cream, candy

* Starting showing at about 12 weeks

* Craved regular soda: Mountain Dew and Pepsi 

*Couldn't stomach water

*Wanted to sleep on my left side

* Back pains early on

*Cramping

Baby # Two

* Sick in the mornings and in the evenings

* Craving salty snacks: chips, crackers, trail mix

*Started showing at 10 weeks

* Can't stand soda!!

* Drinking water non stop, and milk!

*Want to sleep on my right side

* Back pains 

*Cramping

Now based on everything above we only have 2 things in common: Back pains (I had back labor with Lilly) and cramping (Which I think is pretty normal).  We will not know the sex of the baby for several weeks {unless by chance the baby gives us a "peep" show on June 5} but I thought it would be fun to see what you guys though! 

                                                                  

                       

11 weeks..and I'm losing my mind, and my stomach..

 Sorry I have been behind MIA on my blogging, but I am telling you, this little "fig" is giving me a run for my money... Morning and Evening sickness, food aversions to things like Aldi, cheese, and any type of meat, and no AC in the house has caused this "MAMA" to lose her cool..literally. 
  Needless to say I am losing my mind... for instance, I have forgotten about meetings, birthdays {including my own}, car keys, cell phone, pictures..only to name a few.... I have even wore my underwear inside out twice... {and not on purpose}, and I have an obsession with diet sodas! {Don't freak out} I am not drinking them, but I do dream about them, stalk the aisle at the grocery, pick one up on occasion just to hold it....this is serious!

I seriously feel like this monkey!

   I never drank diet sodas until I met my hubby Andrew who had always drank diet.  I started buying them to please him..and feel in love... yes with Andrew but with the sodas as well.. Once we were married that is all we bought.  With Lilly I can remember that I drank regular sodas {only one can a day so no overload on caffeine} with no problems, but for some reason with this one, I can not stomach them.  They are entirely to sweet for me, and it seems like I am drinking straight syrup! *I know I am losing it.. but that's not all...my hubby continues to drink the diet sodas {in front of me no less} which then causes my mouth to salivate, my eyes to bug out, and a gut reaction to slap it right out of his hands...{I haven't taken that step yet, but hormones can only hold off for so long}.

Now to the next thing I am losing.. my stomach

   I say this figuratively and literally! With the morning sickness {right when I get up-11:00 am} and the evening sickness {5:00pm-when I go to bed}, eating can be a challenge.  I am snacking grazing, throughout the day on veggies, fruits, nuts, and dried cereal, which wouldn't make you think "sick" or "fatty" but it has happened.. I at times lose my snacks {only 3 times} and I am losing my stomach.... 

     I worked really hard after having Lilly to get back into shape, even getting down smaller than my high school weight.  I was really proud of it, and worked to maintain it.  Before getting pregnant, I knew this would be a HUGE struggle for me...when the time came to "pack on the pounds" I was nervous on how I would react.  Well I had been told my a hundred hundreds thousands of people that on your second pregnancy you will "show" sooner, and if you start out smaller, it will be worse... well it has happened... Last week I had a student say, "Hey, it looks like you have a baby in your tummy" {the joys of teaching 2nd grade}... out at the buses a teacher asked "Hey are you eating for 2?" It had happened... I knew my pants were getting "snug"..but really?

      So I went to GAP to get me some comfy pants..well my good old reliable loose 2's were no longer loose, and yet the 4's were "crotch sagging".. I headed around the corner to Motherhood {Where I told them I was 14 weeks pregnant...don't judge, I had just ate some fries and looked every bit of 14 weeks} but "lo and behold" when I put on the small pants, they were huge {I  don't think the belly band should go above the breast}... what's a girl to do?!

     So stay tuned as I continue to "rig up" my pants with hair ties, and hide this bump for another 2 weeks until the last week of school... Until then, help a sister out...what should I do about my in- between clothing problems?

Well it is the evening and the verdict is in...


Introducing {orange seed} baby Merritt (look for white triangle and the thing that looks like a bean).  When I got back to the office Dr. Harston was there and did an exam and talked with me about my symptoms. He also agreed that "Bladder Infection" seemed like the culprit.  He then wanted to get an ultra sound to check things out and make sure nothing was on my bladder.... As you probably can guess ultra sounds make me more nervous than anything else..and to my {shock} there was a large flat screen right in front of where I was laying so that I could see the ultra sound taking place...tears shot to my eyes within seconds...Was I ready? with prayers being lifted by the second I could tell the technician knew I was nervous and went right to showing me the baby... flickering heartbeat and everything :) It was amazing and I even got to see the exact spot where my ovary ovulated {TMI I know} So anyway things seemed ok, and that all of this constant peeing, and 2 pink spots are from a bladder infection.  We go back on May 7th for our next ultra sound...So excited and relieved and blessed beyond measure.  Hopefully me and hubby will be able to take a mini vaca this weekend.. {all I wanna do is swim in an indoor pool} and celebrate the other accomplishment.... 

Lilly is wearing BIG GIRL PANTIES!!! Praise Jesus!

{Will update with pictures soon}

Weekend troubles lead to Monday Blues...

 As I am sitting in the parking lot of Panera Bread stealing using their internet..I am starting to freak out.. As I told you in the beginning I am sharing my journey with you, no matter what happens so let me start with last Thursday...
   I woke up as usual with a terrible headache, and cramps in my stomach.  These were terrible spasms that made me want to throw up with each one.  I decided to stay home and rest and see if they would pass.  Friday morning I woke up still feeling like I was going to throw up at any moment.  I went to school anyway (I'm a 2nd grade teacher) thinking it would pass by lunch time...but it didn't.  I started getting worse, dizzy, headache, and the worst an uncontrollable urge to use the restroom.. and not #1. 

{I had my gallbladder removed in February 2011, and since then I can not seem to shake stomach issues}

Saturday was more of the same, and by Sunday I could not get out of the bed (except to run to the bathroom)  Let's just say the emotions where on overdrive and I was crying in my bed all say long.

   Here we are at today..Monday... I woke up and was able to move around without feeling the need to get  run  SPRINT to the bathroom. I ate a couple of crackers and got myself ready to face the day.  My stomach was shaky the whole way to school, and while there I kept feeling like I needed to go to the bathroom (# 1 thank goodness)...On my 2nd trip to the loo, I happened to look down and there it was...a tiny drop of pink.. PANIC SET IT... I couldn't help it, I started bawling hysterically.. I wiped and wiped but there was no more... but one was enough... I got myself together and went and got my kids from art.  On the way back I stopped again and there was another spot.. I called the office immediately and let them know I would need to take a 1/2 day... eyes red and swollen, and my brave face on, I made it that extra hour before the sub could get there.

   On my way home I called the Dr and they decided they wanted me to come in and take a urine sample to see if I was having a bladder infection (since I have to go about ever 15 minutes).. My ride there included praying, calling Andrew, praying, calling mom, praying...when I finally got there and my pee was securely in a {clean} cup..I waited..and waited.

   The nurse came back and informed me my urine was clear.. no infections...but she wanted me to come back in 2 hours to meet with my doctor for an exam to make sure everything was ok... 

  This brings you up to my current position..in the parking lot of Panera..freaking out.. I tried to go to Target and walk around to waste some time, and only lasted 30 minutes and NO purchases (this clearly shows how nerve racking this is).  I have promised to give it all to God, from the beginning.  I am going alone, in approximately  30 minutes back to the Dr. to get things checked out....there is nothing I can do but wait, and pray, and know God has a plan.

Is this a test?...

Well it is official... I am being tested... 

     I have committed to give this pregnancy to God, wholeheartedly, no turning back, no fear, no doubt...{you get the idea} I read an amazing devotion yesterday from Cross Walk which was about the myth, "If I am a good Christian, nothing bad will happen to me" and really took it to heart.  It has taken a lot of courage not to be afraid of what "might be" and focus on the endless possibilities God has for me.  Things happen for a reason, and if we live in fear we will never see the blessings God has for us.

    

All was right in the world 

{Of Lindsay} 

until I made the call to my OB to schedule my 1st "conformation" ultra sound...The lady on the phone was so excited and even yelled, "HELLO MOMMY!" all was peaches and sprinkles {happy things to me} until...

            

" Ok Mrs. Merritt, We have you down for May 7th at 2:30... and we can't wait to see you and that new baby" 

   

Hold on...what was that date..my heart dropped... here it was... THE TEST...  

{May 7, 2008- The day I went to the Doctor only to learn there was no heartbeat.. the most devestaing day of my life... the day I still spontaniously cry about at night... the day that sends me into cold sweats just thinking about it}

I was immediately thrown back into 3rd grade, Mrs. Cole's class.. and we had a multiplication timed quiz on 12's and I did not study... what was I going to do..throw up {actually that came later..poor Mrs. Cole}

 My gut reaction: Call back imediately and schedule for any day other than May 7th

 ... but what would that prove? That I am more concerned in the power of a date then the power of my God?  Should I cower in fear over what a date means, give it more glory or fear than my God.  Absolutely not.  God knew this even before I picked up the phone, before I got up this morning, before this baby was even conceived.  

I refuse to give into my fear. As soon as I hung up the phone the next words out of my mouth were praises to God for allowing me such a great group of Doctors, Thanking him for allowing me this experience, and praying for strength that only he can truly give.  Will those doubts arise..of course, was my last test in 3rd grade on multiplication facts..of course not.  We are tested daily, and not so that we can get a large F from God and a "try better next time", but to help us grow in him, grow stronger, and learn those lessons that we can only know through those trials and tribulations we go through daily. Through these test our God looks to us to see what we will let take power...the situation or our God.. Cling to him and know this will not be the last...but it has all been overcome {John 16:33}

So please enjoy this {FLASH BACK} 12's multiplication times tables as a memento that we can do it.. we can pass any test