..then there was silence

Well back to the Dr. I went yesterday..{check up on my lab results} and when I got there Patty, my nurse let me know we were going to listen to the heartbeat on the doppler. "At 11 weeks we should be able to hear it" she said.  As I laid there, the cold gel rubbing on my belly, listening as closely as I could...{silence}...{nothing}...{my heart breaking}.. Patty assured me that it still might be early and we would check again after Dr. Harston went and did the procedure I had come for. 

  I couldn't relax..fear gripped me...I went back..April 2008..

               {Laying on the table, the first day I was not sick in a long time, and I would get to hear my babies heartbeat.. my first child... as the nurse searched...nothing.. silence.. "It's ok!" she said enthusiastically, "We sometimes can't hear this early, but I know everything is fine"...but it wasn't 3 weeks later I was starring at the lifeless body of my baby on a monitor... no heartbeat}

    After the procedure was over Patty quickly told Dr. Harston she was getting the "old ultrasound" machine from the closet..."the one with the crack".  She wheeled it in, plugged it up (crack and all) and proceeded to get prepared to do an ultrasound.. Andrew was not there, and I wasn't sure I could handle what was about to happen.  Tears filled my eyes as I started to see the outline of the baby on the screen and then....

         {flicker, flicker, flicker, flicker, flicker, flicker, flicker...a heartbeat}

A beautiful, strong, heartbeat.

My baby was ok!

 I could not hold it in...tears burned down my checks...it was ok.... Patty even jiggled my stomach a little..to get the baby moving... (looked a lot like break dancing).. I then held my fresh new picture..

  It's funny how God answers prayer..I laid there praying during the procedure for God to intercede and give me strength. I prayed for wisdom and guidance on how to tell Andrew.. but God had bigger plans.  I know whatever the outcome, God would have given me everything I needed...instead he gave me a "what seemed broken", cracked ultrasound machine, an AMAZING compassionate nurse who felt my pain, and went above and beyond to ease my fears, and a blessing inside growing stronger each day!