Being a Fabulous Wife

   Not unlike so many other "new" wives, I have found out that marriage is NOT what I expected.  Ok I blame it on my late night "Nick at Night" addition back in high school and college.  All of the "I love Lucy" episodes, and The "Brady Bunch",  plus all of the old black and white TCM movies I love to watch .. it was what a true marriage should be like.. right? WRONG.. I consider myself a unrealistic, constantly optimistic womann who always looks to the bright side of things.  Well I married an openly realistic, "glass half full" kind of guy, and he will tell you that straight up. How do we make it work? We don't always, and that is where i am going with this.  If you are reading this blog expected to hear what most wives will tell you "We are so perfect together", "we never argue", "he is my best friend and cheerleader"...well you are at the wrong blog...

    Today @ Elevation Church we started a series "Mr. and Mrs. Better Half" now I have been at several typical marriage services, where you talk about Husbands honor your wives, wives submit to your husbands, children obey your parents. This was different! The Lord really laid some heavy stuff on my heart today and I am eager to share.  Why is my marriage not perfect? Because if no one is perfect, than how can I expect the union between two "un"perfect people to magically transform into something perfect? I can't, and that is where problem number one comes into play

#1- You can't look at marriage as some magical "fairy tale" kind of thing. You have to see it for what it is, a union between two people who love and commit to one another, no matter how "un"perfect they each may be.

    In our house we are obviously not multi-millionaires, and yes we are crunched when the first of the month comes around with mortgage, car payments, house bills, and now my latest hospital bills.  It seems like Andrew is a little stressed when this time of the month comes around.  Well Friday I came in with bags in hand from my shopping adventure with Lilly. I started pulling out what I had gotten, and bragging about the unbelievable sales there were at the mall.  I could see Andrew's face beginning to get red.. then the dreaded words came "How much money did you spend?!" WHAT?! Did he not just hear about the sales, did  he not just see that I went down 3 dress sizes, does he not understand the importance of having a romper this summer (see previous blog).. here it comes my next point

#2- Stop being selfish in your marriage.  Now this is directly copied from Pastor Furtick's message today.  I was being selfish in the marriage. I knew that this was the paycheck before the bills all came out, I knew that Andrew is the "keeper of finances" in our family. I knew it is his responsibility to pay the bills and balance the budget, and here I was getting upset that he did not say "What a fabulous romper" (like he would say that to begin with but you get the point).  Starting a marriage means dying to yourself.  Your marriage will NEVER work without you giving up some of your selfish things for the betterment of the union.  Christ took on every piece of junk we had on the cross for us, can't we take a little bit of self away for the person we love and are committed too?

  Now I'm sure you and your boyfriend/husband/ etc never argue, yell, cry, or slam doors.  of course not, that is the rednecks down the street (no offense).  Well in the Merritt house we have been known to yell, cry, and slam some doors.  As I said before my husband is very practical, where I am hopefully optimistic and this gets us into a lot of trouble sometimes. Andrew will say something like "You know you can't do that so why are you even talking about it" which then typically brings out a response in me like "Well it is my paycheck so I can" ding ding ding, the battle is on.. Not only am I not respecting the previous point but I am stepping right into my last point...
#3- You should speak to your spouse in a way that brings out their good, not their evil. 

   Again today's sermon really got to me because i am TERRIBLE at this point.  When my husband "bucks up" to me, I go right back at him. What happens next? WWIII at the Merritt house.  Today I learned that I should say words that lift up my husband, I should speak directly to his potential, not to the "punk" side of him that everyone has.  A great example that Pastor Steven gave today was 1 Samuel 25.  It is the story of Abigail, a women who had an evil husband, but due to her level head, and uplifting words she resolved many conflicts her husband brought upon himself and her.  She spoke to David (who was on the war path to killing her husband because of her husbands stupidity), like the king she knew he was, not the angry "hothead" he was at the moment.  This is what I need to do.  When Andrew is upset I need to say words that bring out the amazing man he is, not the angry confrontational man I typically bring out with my hard headiness.

 * Let me say although my marriage is not perfect, I love Andrew with all of my heart. He is an amazing father to Lilly, a provider for our family, and is a protector and up lifter of our family. Those are the amazing qualities that led me to this marriage that we have now, and will keep me here for the rest of my life.  We are constantly working on getting as close to a Godly marriage as we can, but of course things do come up. I encourage you all to look good and hard at your relationships, married or not, and see what God is showing you.  Are you being selfless? Are you being Unrealistic with your expectations? Are you uplifting, and bring out the best in your partner? Are you speaking words that bring out the King or Queen your spouse has the potential to being? Take this week to work on it, and comment and let me know how it is going, or somethings you would like to suggest!