Fabulously Fun Mom: Is this a test?...

Well it is official... I am being tested...

I have committed to give this pregnancy to God, wholeheartedly, no turning back, no fear, no doubt...{you get the idea} I read an amazing devotion yesterday from Cross Walk which was about the myth, "If I am a good Christian, nothing bad will happen to me" and really took it to heart. It has taken a lot of courage not to be afraid of what "might be" and focus on the endless possibilities God has for me. Things happen for a reason, and if we live in fear we will never see the blessings God has for us.

All was right in the world

{Of Lindsay}

until I made the call to my OB to schedule my 1st "conformation" ultra sound...The lady on the phone was so excited and even yelled, "HELLO MOMMY!" all was peaches and sprinkles {happy things to me} until...

" Ok Mrs. Merritt, We have you down for May 7th at 2:30... and we can't wait to see you and that new baby"

Hold on...what was that date..my heart dropped... here it was... THE TEST...

{May 7, 2008- The day I went to the Doctor only to learn there was no heartbeat.. the most devestaing day of my life... the day I still spontaniously cry about at night... the day that sends me into cold sweats just thinking about it}

I was immediately thrown back into 3rd grade, Mrs. Cole's class.. and we had a multiplication timed quiz on 12's and I did not study... what was I going to do..throw up {actually that came later..poor Mrs. Cole}

My gut reaction: Call back imediately and schedule for any day other than May 7th

... but what would that prove? That I am more concerned in the power of a date then the power of my God? Should I cower in fear over what a date means, give it more glory or fear than my God. Absolutely not. God knew this even before I picked up the phone, before I got up this morning, before this baby was even conceived.

I refuse to give into my fear. As soon as I hung up the phone the next words out of my mouth were praises to God for allowing me such a great group of Doctors, Thanking him for allowing me this experience, and praying for strength that only he can truly give. Will those doubts arise..of course, was my last test in 3rd grade on multiplication facts..of course not. We are tested daily, and not so that we can get a large F from God and a "try better next time", but to help us grow in him, grow stronger, and learn those lessons that we can only know through those trials and tribulations we go through daily. Through these test our God looks to us to see what we will let take power...the situation or our God.. Cling to him and know this will not be the last...but it has all been overcome {John 16:33}